by Kyle McCoy
DISCLAIMER: I believe that it only makes sense to say that I came up with the idea of this entry during a stint of listening to Three Inches Of Blood in an attempt to drown out a pair of friends trying to quiet the sound of their smooching enough for me to at least consciously attempt to ignore them. This entry will most definitely have a full-bodied dose of my personality, so be prepared for incoherent nonsense laden with nerdy rabble-rousing.
Axes, from the advent of this blog, have been recognized as the main tool of the macho man. With such an item taking a stance as such, I began the predominant amount of my focus on the trunk-quelling capabilities of the lumberjack-wielded weapon. Sure, there is nothing wrong with a decent blade slicing seamlessly through a layer of bark and deep into the age-old rings of a mighty oak. In all honesty, however, I cannot sit idly by without at least mentioning the fact that axes have been commonly used to cleave many a foe’s skull in twain… in twain, I say! So, without further ado, I’ll happily go into my LARP-minded digression towards the world of fantastical wars waged throughout the ages and across the stars.
Be it in havoc and pain or peace and prosperity, the fate of a whole people tends to lie within the complex will of a single macho man. Wearing pauldrons and gauntlets or just a scrap of leather from their greatest hunt, macho men carry with them a silent yet imposing aura. They fight and live with a drive and ardor that can barely be fathomed in the imaginations of any human lacking the mauchismo of such a powerful figure. Macho men, as warriors, always look to the elements for the answers to their many conundrums. Few things aside from the natural world can answer such quixotic issues as the issues held by macho men. Macho men don’t own razors, but instead shave with their blade of choice. They use the reflection of sacred lakes as their grooming mirrors, for there is little time to stop at an inn for the rest they well deserve. When mystery and intrigue is abound, it is always so. If a macho man is not on an adventure, he is only waiting for the next to begin. Macho men need not seek out adventure; adventure meets macho men with open arms. Macho men are self-sufficient in the wilderness and attempt to remain in solitude, but their strong wills are met with equally large hearts. Thusly, macho men often travel in groups of no more than five close companions.
Most importantly, macho men have incredibly polar views of the world of justice. From Conan the Barbarian to Taran to Long John Silver, it seems that macho men always take a side and either remain with it permanently or quickly and drastically swing to the opposing viewpoint. A macho man’s inner working is and will always be quite the mystery to regular ladies and gentlemen such as ourselves.
We only hope to skim the surface here at “Fuck Yeah, Macho Men!”.
Dreaming of more would be absolutely ludicrous.